Thanks for all the sweet comments on Mac's Halloween card. I had a gift certificate to Minted, so I was playing around on their website and decided to do something fun with the photo. I never thought about sending Halloween cards before, but I loved it so much I'm thinking about doing one for Thanksgiving too! And speaking of Minted, I just saw that they're having a holiday inspiration board challenge where you could win some moolah towards holiday cards - yes please. Since I'm addicted to Christmas cards I thought I'd give it a go. We'll be spending Christmas on a white sandy beach this year, so here's the inspiration board I came up with.
I know it's still October, but I'm already getting so excited about the holidays this year. Too early? Maybe because it's Mac's first Christmas, but I'm ready now! Well, not "ready" ready, but you know what I mean. Whatever. Anyone else really excited?
I made roasted sweet potatoes for dinner the other night, so I figured I'd give Mac a little taste to see how he liked them. I took a little piece with no salt on it, mashed it up with a little breast milk, and voila! Baby food.
I stuck him in the Bumbo with the tray (since we didn't have a high chair yet), slapped a bib on him and grabbed the camera*.
I thought he looked pretty excited about it!
I know I was excited.
His first taste of food...I just knew he was going to LOVE it.
However, I've been wrong before (but only twice).
Even if he wasn't excited about the food, I know he loved wearing his awesome camo bib.
Thanks Aunt Michelle and Uncle Billy!
And then it was the moment of truth.
Time for the first bite.
A little confusion.
Followed by absolute disgust.
I can just imagine what's going though his mind...
Gross...what is this crap?
This is so freaking nasty, you guys.
You thought I'd like this?
Are you out of your mind?
Why are you doing this to me?
I thought you liked me.
Please don't make me eat any more.
I'm so going to have nightmares about this.
Ugh...it's still in my mouth.
I can still taste it.
Get it out.
Are we done yet?
Don't do it...please don't do it.
I am not eating this.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Worst parents ever.
(I mean, really. Does that face just say it all or what?)
*I made Ryan feed him so I could take photos.
I thought if he really hated the food, he'd be mad at Ryan for giving it to him.
I failed to consider that I would be positioned directly in front of him, laughing hysterically and documenting the whole traumatic experience.
You guys, I have a secret to tell you. I have TWO friends right now that are pregnant. Two friends that have gone through hell and back dealing with infertility and IVF and are now expecting their first babies. Two friends that desperately wanted a child and tried and prayed and begged for a baby and now their dreams are finally coming true. Two friends that put their bodies through the ringer, their lives on hold and their faith to the test and never gave up. Two friends that are now on the other side of infertility and will be stronger and better for it - even though they might not realize it yet. Neither of them is far enough along that they're telling the world, but they've let me in on their little secret and I couldn't be happier. (You know who you are.)
I don't think anyone can truly ever describe the heartache, pain and insecurity you feel when you're dealing with infertility and I am not going to try. Like so many have said before, it's something you have to go through in order to really understand it. And while it's not anything I'd ever want anyone to go through, I am forever grateful that I had the love, support and camaraderie of other women dealing with similar experiences. Particularly these two women. They listened to me whine, let me cry, held my hand and prayed for me. I am so honored to call them both friends and so proud of them for being so strong and gracious through this struggle.
Someday I hope to be able to write about my battle with infertility and what we went through to finally get the little guy that dominates the content of this blog. But right now it's still too fresh, too personal, too painful. I don't have the right words and I'm too scared of being judged to put it all out there. And as much as I don't want to think about it, my struggle may not be over. My story isn't unique and it isn't nearly as long and difficult as many people I know, but it changed me. It made me more appreciative, more empathetic, more patient, more humble, more faithful. It made me the person, the friend, the wife, and the mother that I am today and for that, I'll forever be grateful. I don't necessarily believe that every thing happens for a reason, but I do believe this experience taught me lessons that I needed to learn before becoming a mother. And if I have to start all over and go through it again, I will. Because it's worth it all.
I know there are many people out there that are battling infertility right now. Some of them may even be reading this blog. I wish I had magic words to say to them to help them through this, but I know from experience that there's nothing anyone can say or do to really ease the pain. For me, I think the only thing that would have been nice to hear is: "You're amazing and stronger than you realize and just keep at it." Maybe this post will serve as a little inspiration, give a little hope, renew some faith. Because miracles really do happen...sometimes they just take a long time.
- I cannot for the life of me remember the words to a single lullaby or nursery rhyme, yet I know all the words to "Call Me Maybe," so I sing that to Mac. Complete with Valley girl dance moves and my hand in the shape of a phone to my ear. He loves it and I hate myself.
- I've lost just about none of the baby weight. It's much easier just to buy new clothes than to actually work out or diet.
- I'm still planning on doing Baby Led Weaning with Mac, but I made sweet potatoes the other night for dinner and couldn't resist smashing some up and letting him try them. I was SO excited! I took got everything all set up, waited for my husband to get home, had the camera out and was absolutely convinced that Mac would go nuts over them. NO. He hated them. HATED is an understatement. Like made the worst, most disgusting faces I've ever seen. He looked at me like I was torturing him - like he was saying, "What the fuck is this shit? No, I will no eat it." And then he threw up all over me. I guess I deserved it. However, I did get some good "torture" photos...coming soon to a blog near you.
- Mac's had two little "colds" already - not really sick, just dealing with a lot of snot and congestion. Poor little guy cannot breathe with all that snot in his face. So, what's a mom to do but suck it out. On the advice of friends I bought the NoseFrida snot sucker. Holy shit, this thing is so gross it's cool. Yes, I literally suck the snot out of my kid's face. With. My. Mouth. And it's awesome. Yeah, I said it. Who is this mommy person and what has she done with the girl formerly known as Sara?
- Boobs. Wow. I'm not going to get into details, but post-pregnancy breastfeeding boobs are unreal. My husband is a happy man. I'm pretty sure he'd agree to having another couple kids just so these boobs will come back.
- My baby lives in pajamas. Yes, he has jeans and some shirts and even a pair of shoes or two, but he never wears them. He wears jammies 99% of the time. Preferably fleece footie jammies with monkeys or puppies or duckies on the butt. I just can't get over the cuteness of them. Plus, they're easy and really comfortable. Why bother with anything else? He's worn pants a grand total of about 3 times in his little life and they drive me nuts! How do you keep them on? I never realized babies don't have hips or a waist. Plus the shirts ride up and the socks fall off. It's a mess. I just feel like he has the rest of his life to wear "clothes" - why start now?
- Sometimes (always), when Mac spits-up, I let the dogs clean it up off the hardwood. So gross, yet so convenient. I love those dogs.
- I swear having a baby makes you dumber. This is one of those little secrets that no one tells you before you have kids. I've talked to other moms about this and it's true! You have a child and you will automatically lose millions of brain cells...maybe billions. I don't exactly know, I'm too stupid to count that high. Maybe it's months of sleep deprivation or all the Dr. Suess and baby talk, but whatever is going on here, I don't like it. The other day I was driving to lunch and forgot where I was going. I had to pull over on the side of the road and think about it for a minute. And I honestly misspelled my name the other day. MY FIRST NAME. I put an "h" on the end of Sara. WTF?! I've been telling people my whole life it's "Sara without an H" and there I go messing it up. I've heard it only gets worse the more kids you have, so I should pretty much quit my job now so I don't end up in prison for malpractice.
- I'm already buying stuff for potential, in-the-future, not-yet-in-existence Baby #2. What?! I know. I couldn't help myself. Don't tell my husband.
- Speaking of over-buying, Mac has 4 Halloween costumes. FOUR. For one kid, for one day. I have a problem.
- The dogs also have multiple costumes.
Alright, your turn...spill your mommy confessions. Go.