You guys, I have a secret to tell you. I have TWO friends right now that are pregnant. Two friends that have gone through hell and back dealing with infertility and IVF and are now expecting their first babies. Two friends that desperately wanted a child and tried and prayed and begged for a baby and now their dreams are finally coming true. Two friends that put their bodies through the ringer, their lives on hold and their faith to the test and never gave up. Two friends that are now on the other side of infertility and will be stronger and better for it - even though they might not realize it yet. Neither of them is far enough along that they're telling the world, but they've let me in on their little secret and I couldn't be happier. (You know who you are.)
I don't think anyone can truly ever describe the heartache, pain and insecurity you feel when you're dealing with infertility and I am not going to try. Like so many have said before, it's something you have to go through in order to really understand it. And while it's not anything I'd ever want anyone to go through, I am forever grateful that I had the love, support and camaraderie of other women dealing with similar experiences. Particularly these two women. They listened to me whine, let me cry, held my hand and prayed for me. I am so honored to call them both friends and so proud of them for being so strong and gracious through this struggle.
Someday I hope to be able to write about my battle with infertility and what we went through to finally get the little guy that dominates the content of this blog. But right now it's still too fresh, too personal, too painful. I don't have the right words and I'm too scared of being judged to put it all out there. And as much as I don't want to think about it, my struggle may not be over. My story isn't unique and it isn't nearly as long and difficult as many people I know, but it changed me. It made me more appreciative, more empathetic, more patient, more humble, more faithful. It made me the person, the friend, the wife, and the mother that I am today and for that, I'll forever be grateful. I don't necessarily believe that every thing happens for a reason, but I do believe this experience taught me lessons that I needed to learn before becoming a mother. And if I have to start all over and go through it again, I will. Because it's worth it all.
I know there are many people out there that are battling infertility right now. Some of them may even be reading this blog. I wish I had magic words to say to them to help them through this, but I know from experience that there's nothing anyone can say or do to really ease the pain. For me, I think the only thing that would have been nice to hear is: "You're amazing and stronger than you realize and just keep at it." Maybe this post will serve as a little inspiration, give a little hope, renew some faith. Because miracles really do happen...sometimes they just take a long time.